gabrielle blair teaches men to ejaculate responsibly
How a Twitter thread-turned-book creates a new view of abortion
**originally written in April 2024**
“I’m a mother of six, and a Mormon. I have a good understanding of arguments surrounding abortion, religious and otherwise. I’ve been listening to men grandstand about women’s reproductive rights, and I’m convinced men actually have zero interest in stopping abortion. Here’s why…”1 This was Gabrielle Blair’s first tweet of her viral sixty-three-tweet thread posted to Twitter on September 13th, 2018. Blair–author of New York Times bestseller Ejaculate Responsibly: A Whole New Way to Think About Abortion–posted her initial thread during Brett Kavanaugh’s Supreme Court hearings, when Blair told NPR she was “going ‘absolutely bonkers’” at men using abortion as a political tool.2 Blair’s thought-dump quickly gained traction from readers, garnering over 130,000 reposts and over 300,000 likes, prompting her to release her book in 2022. Her main thesis: men cause 99% of all unwanted pregnancies by ejaculating irresponsibly.3 4
Blair’s career didn’t start in politics, but rather design. As Kase Wickman from The New York Times writes, Gabrielle Blair “majored in graphic design at Brigham Young University and was an art director at ad agencies in New York City.”5 In 2006, after the birth of her fifth child, she launched her critically acclaimed design-meets-parenting blog titled Design Mom.6 Her blog “shares project she’s working on, starts discussions about newsworthy topics, amplifies women’s voices, [and] introduces new ideas and cool discoveries.”7
Wickman describes Blair’s forum as a place that “tackles subjects like hot flashes and panic attacks while also posting house tours and festive desserts for two.”8 Published in 2015, Blair even has a book divulging into her design secrets as a parent, titled Design Mom: How to Live With Kids.9 Blair also created Alt Summit fifteen years ago – a women-led, creative business conference in America – where she signed my own copy of Ejaculate Responsibly, writing “hooray for responsibly ejaculating”
Blair’s pivot to discuss abortion was a necessary progression based on the conversations she was having. “I was done having kids [and] my husband had had a vasectomy years before, so I hadn’t had to worry about birth control,” Blair tells Michelle Ruiz at Vogue, “[but] I talk to women for a living…in online and public and private forums. The idea that women would…have an invasive procedure instead of birth control…didn’t make sense. [So], [Ejaculate Responsibly] was like: light-bulb moment.”10
Blair’s popular thought-dump was her very first thread and had been written months before she hit publish. As Blair tells Steph Black from Ms. Magazine, “The Kavanaugh hearings…was politician after politician grandstanding about abortion [and] none of them cared or knew anything about [it]… so, I decided to publish that thread and it went viral instantly.”11 Blair wanted to be frank about her faith and family in her thread, as her first tweet begins with her stance as a mother of six and Mormon, which was “One hundred percent intentional.”12 “I know that if people see religious or Mormon or mother of six, they’re going to immediately make assumptions about me,” Blair tells Vogue, “and those assumptions are probably not going to be correct as far as my politics… [so] I can use that as a tool, and I can invite people in to listen to these ideas that wouldn’t be willing to do so if I led with ‘I’m pro-choice.’”13 Blair explains her intersection of her faith and abortion rights further in Mormon Land’s podcast. “For many decades in America, [abortion] was totally fine…[and] didn’t have this stigma that it does not,” Blair explains, “We have a lot of room in our doctrine to make this fine” again.14
“The women have been doing their part, [so] I’m asking men to step up and do their part.”
Gabrielle Blair on Mormon Land
So, what is Blair fighting for? As Blair tells Sarah McCammon of NPR, “Men have full control of whether or not they cause a pregnancy in that only a man can decide whether he’s going to release sperm and where he’s going to release the sperm. That’s always his choice.”15 Her argument is centered around choice – the choice of where a man ejaculates rather than what women should be able to do with their bodies. It addresses the root problem of abortions – unwanted pregnancies – and the cause of these occurrences – irresponsible ejaculations. As Blair tells podcast Mormon Land, “The women have been doing their part, [so] I’m asking men to step up and do their part.”16
After posting her Twitter thread, Blair received positive and personal responses from readers. “There were women crying to me saying they didn’t know someone could share this burden with them,” Blair tells Ms. Magazine, and, “So many men for whom it just clicked…[and] [are] more aware of what’s at risk” during sex.17 Kimberly Harrington from The Washington Post writes that “Blair’s fresh reframe should be required reading for any person who has sex, wants to have sex or is raising someone who might have sex in the future [because] [her] [thoughts] ha[ve] what it takes to be the foundation for a movement.”18 The thread has consistently been in the media, having “Been retweeted every day for four years, sometimes thousands of times a day,” Blair tells Black, “because abortion is in the news.”19 20
Many publishers approached Blair wanting to turn her concept into a book, but Blair was skeptical. “I said what I said. I don’t really see a book,” Blair tells Wickman, “I was hesitant, like, ‘Is this the thing that I’m going to be the most known for?”21 Four years later, Blair recollects how “Someone posed the question to me: ‘if Twitter had an edit button, would you change anything about the thread? Immediately I said yes… [because] I know how to explain and expand on my tweets.”22 Her decision solidified after the Supreme Court’s draft opinion to overturn Roe V Wade was leaked, when Blair knew she had to publish “a tangible version of her argument.”23
Published in what Blair calls “post-Roe world”24, Blair’s book, Ejaculate Responsibly, is divided into twenty-eight potent arguments, with only 126-pages of content. This was an intentional choice because – as Blair tells Ms. Magazine – she wanted a book that could be “read really quickly…easy to read…[and] inexpensive. I want someone to have this in their back pocket [so] it’s easy to buy a copy…and share it.”25 The book has also been translated into French, Spanish and German, allowing international readers to learn about responsible ejaculation.26 She expands the thoughts of her initial tweets and links her claims to a 100-page reference sheet including relevant scientific research.27
“[Men] are better positioned physically to prevent a pregnancy than any woman…[and] are the only person that gets to decide whether or not [they] release sperm…[so] there’s this one tiny thing they need to avoid. Do not let your sperm get by an egg.”
Gabrielle Blair to Michelle Ruiz at Vogue
Blair covers everything from fertility, birth control for women AND men, responsibilities of pregnancy prevention, patriarchal assumptions of sex and the realities of parenthood, helping readers understand the responsibility that men have in pregnancies. For example, one argument, titled “Ovulation is Involuntary, Ejaculation is Not,” brings to light the difference of female versus male fertility. As Blair writes, “women cannot control when they are fertile…[or] control the movement of their egg…[whereas] men can control when they ejaculate…[and] can actively choose to remove sperm from their own body and place it into someone else’s body.”28 She links these claims to studies about the menstrual cycle, done by Dartmouth, Cleveland Clinic, and the United States Department of Health & Human Services.29
She also critiques how US culture frames sex. In her chapter, titled “Society Clings to the Idea that Men Hate Condoms”, Blair questions “the pervasive perception in American culture that men prefer condom-less sex…because we’ve been told (in books, in movies, in memes) that it doesn’t feel as good for men.”30 Due to this myth, “it’s easy to imagine that a man might wear one only if a woman insists, and only if he can’t talk her out of it.”31 Blair explores this notion further by questioning US society’s perception of sex. Her chapter, “Society Teaches that the Man’s Pleasure is the Purpose and Priority of Sex”, investigates “the way society talks about sex or presents sex is most often from a man’s perspective…[noting] [that] most studies of ‘how long intercourse lasts’ are based on how long it takes for a man to ejaculate in a vagina.”32 By understanding this perception within US culture, Blair argues “that our societal focus on the man’s experience feeds the resistance of some men to use condoms…because…society has taught him (and all of us) that sex is about his experience, and his pleasure.”33 The notion to ejaculate responsibly is not just about the act, but also the myths that must be dismantled within US culture.
Though the Twitter thread was posted in 2018, Ejaculate Responsibly was published a month after Roe V Wade was overturned – a crucial and devastating time for women’s reproductive rights in America. Blair’s modern perspective on abortion indicates that men do not have to change abortion rights to stop abortion but rather control their own sperm. “[Men] are better positioned physically to prevent a pregnancy than any woman…[and] are the only person that gets to decide whether or not [they] release sperm,” Blair tells Vogue, “We’re not asking them to do anything difficult in any way. There’s this one tiny thing they need to avoid. Do not let your sperm get by an egg.”34 By limiting unwanted pregnancies, you are also limiting abortion. Blair’s suggestion of mindful ejaculation also aids America’s ongoing debate of what stage of pregnancy is considered a baby. With state legislation modifying their laws for their political beliefs (such as Alabama’s legislation stating embryos are children35), Blair’s book shows that prevention during sex is key. While she is clearly pro-choice, “[Ejaculate Responsibly] means you can have discussions where you’re not trying to debate when a life begins,” Blair tells Elizabeth Egan at The New York Times, “that’s all gone because we didn’t create the fetus in the first place. We ejaculated responsibly.”36
Ultimately, Ejaculate Responsibly amplifies women’s disproportionate experience in pregnancy prevention, educates individuals on how to prevent justly, and prompts thoughtful conversation with partners, peers, and legislation. For the future, Blair hopes that medical care systems begin to offer free vasectomies, along with other free birth control methods.37 She also hopes that schools begin to offer age-appropriate, consistent sex education to students in US society.38 Most importantly, her dream is that men taking responsibility in pregnancy prevention becomes a normal, consistent endeavor. “I think it could become an assumption that men are going to ejaculate responsibly, they’re going to have a vasectomy…use a condom…[and] that this is just a given that they’re going to ejaculate responsibly,” Blair tells NPR, “And I think we can get there. I know we can.”39 40
Design Mom. “Twitter Thread on Abortion: Parenting.” Design Mom, May 3, 2022. https://designmom.com/twitter-thread-abortion/.
McCammon, Sarah. “Book by Mom of Six Puts Onus on Men to Stop Unwanted Pregnancies.” NPR, October 20, 2022. https://www.npr.org/2022/10/20/1130113865/book-by-mom-of-six-puts-onus-on-men-to-stop-unwanted-pregnancies.
Blair, Gabrielle. Ejaculate Responsibly: A Whole New Way to Think About Abortion. Workman Publishing, 2022, p. 1.
Design Mom. “About Gabrielle Blair.” Design Mom.
Wickman, Kase. “Gabrielle Blair Would Like a Word With Men.” The New York Times, November 4, 2022. https://www.nytimes.com/2022/11/04/well/family/gabrielle-blair-design-mom.html.
Design Mom. “About Gabrielle Blair.” Design Mom.
Design Mom. “About Gabrielle Blair.” Design Mom.
Wickman, Kase. “Gabrielle Blair Would Like a Word With Men.” The New York Times.
“Amazon.” Design Mom: How to Live With Kids: A Room-by-Room Guide.
Ruiz, Michelle. “In Ejaculate Responsibly, Gabrielle Blair Makes Abortion a Men’s Issue.” Vogue, October 18, 2022. https://www.vogue.com/article/ejaculate-responsibly-gabrielle-blair-interview.
Black, Steph. “‘Men Are 100% Responsible for Unwanted Pregnancies’: Gabrielle Blair on Her Viral-Tweet-Turned-Book, ‘Ejaculate Responsibly.’” Ms. Magazine, October 26, 2022. https://msmagazine.com/2022/10/21/men-responsible-unwanted-pregnancies-gabrielle-blair/.
Ruiz, Michelle. “In Ejaculate Responsibly, Gabrielle Blair Makes Abortion a Men’s Issue.” Vogue.
Ruiz, Michelle. “In Ejaculate Responsibly, Gabrielle Blair Makes Abortion a Men’s Issue.” Vogue.
“The LDS Author of ‘Ejaculate Responsibly’ Says Abortion Focus Should Be on Men: Episode 241.” SoundCloud.
McCammon, Sarah. “Book by Mom of Six Puts Onus on Men to Stop Unwanted Pregnancies.” NPR.
“The LDS Author of ‘Ejaculate Responsibly’ Says Abortion Focus Should Be on Men: Episode 241.” SoundCloud.
Black, Steph. “‘Men Are 100% Responsible for Unwanted Pregnancies’: Gabrielle Blair on Her Viral-Tweet-Turned-Book, ‘Ejaculate Responsibly.’” Ms. Magazine.
Harrington, Kimberly. “Ejaculate Responsibly by Gabrielle Stanley Blair Book Review .” The Washington Post, October 19, 2022. https://www.washingtonpost.com/books/2022/10/19/ejaculate-responsibly-book/.
Black, Steph. “‘Men Are 100% Responsible for Unwanted Pregnancies’: Gabrielle Blair on Her Viral-Tweet-Turned-Book, ‘Ejaculate Responsibly.’” Ms. Magazine.
Blair, Gabrielle. Ejaculate Responsibly: A Whole New Way to Think About Abortion. Workman Publishing, 2022.
Wickman, Kase. “Gabrielle Blair Would Like a Word With Men.” The New York Times
Black, Steph. “‘Men Are 100% Responsible for Unwanted Pregnancies’: Gabrielle Blair on Her Viral-Tweet-Turned-Book, ‘Ejaculate Responsibly.’” Ms. Magazine.
Wickman, Kase. “Gabrielle Blair Would Like a Word With Men.” The New York Times.
Blair, Gabrielle. Ejaculate Responsibly: A Whole New Way to Think About Abortion. Workman Publishing, 2022, p. 1.
Black, Steph. “‘Men Are 100% Responsible for Unwanted Pregnancies’: Gabrielle Blair on Her Viral-Tweet-Turned-Book, ‘Ejaculate Responsibly.’” Ms. Magazine.
@Designmom. “Gabrielle Stanley Blair on Instagram: ‘The German Edition Has Arrived! Find It Wherever German Books Are Sold – and There’s a German Audio Version Too! @ullsteinbuchverlage @ejaculateresponsibly.’” Instagram, February 1, 2024.
Blair, Gabrielle. Ejaculate Responsibly: Source List, 2022. workman.com/ejaculateresponsibly.
Blair, Gabrielle. Ejaculate Responsibly: A Whole New Way to Think About Abortion, p. 19.
Blair, Gabrielle. Ejaculate Responsibly: Source List, p. 6.
Blair, Gabrielle. Ejaculate Responsibly: A Whole New Way to Think About Abortion, page 38.
Blair, Gabrielle. Ejaculate Responsibly: A Whole New Way to Think About Abortion, page 38.
Blair, Gabrielle. Ejaculate Responsibly: A Whole New Way to Think About Abortion, page 56.
Blair, Gabrielle. Ejaculate Responsibly: A Whole New Way to Think About Abortion, page 56.
Ruiz, Michelle. “In Ejaculate Responsibly, Gabrielle Blair Makes Abortion a Men’s Issue.” Vogue.
The Associated Press. “Alabama Signs Law Protecting IVF Providers from Legal Liability | CBC News.” CBCnews, March 7, 2024. https://www.cbc.ca/news/world/alabama-ivf-legislation-1.7136364#:~:text=In%20a%20landmark%20decision%2C%20the,death%20when%20discarding%20unused%20embryos.
Egan, Elisabeth. “Gabrielle Blair Embraces ‘the Least Sexy Way to Talk about Sex.’” The New York Times, November 8, 2022. https://www.nytimes.com/2022/11/08/books/review/ejaculate-responsibly-gabrielle-blair.html.
McCammon, Sarah. “Book by Mom of Six Puts Onus on Men to Stop Unwanted Pregnancies.” NPR.
Ruiz, Michelle. “In Ejaculate Responsibly, Gabrielle Blair Makes Abortion a Men’s Issue.” Vogue.
McCammon, Sarah. “Book by Mom of Six Puts Onus on Men to Stop Unwanted Pregnancies.” NPR.
Ruiz, Michelle. “In Ejaculate Responsibly, Gabrielle Blair Makes Abortion a Men’s Issue.” Vogue,
References
@Designmom. “Gabrielle Stanley Blair on Instagram: ‘The German Edition Has Arrived! Find It Wherever German Books Are Sold – and There’s a German Audio Version Too! @ullsteinbuchverlage @ejaculateresponsibly.’” Instagram, February 1, 2024.
“Amazon.” Design Mom: How to Live With Kids: A Room-by-Room Guide.
Black, Steph. “‘Men Are 100% Responsible for Unwanted Pregnancies’: Gabrielle Blair on Her Viral-Tweet-Turned-Book, ‘Ejaculate Responsibly.’” Ms. Magazine, October 26, 2022. https://msmagazine.com/2022/10/21/men-responsible-unwanted-pregnancies-gabrielle-blair/.
Blair, Gabrielle. Ejaculate Responsibly: A Whole New Way to Think About Abortion. Workman Publishing, 2022.
Blair, Gabrielle. Ejaculate Responsibly: Source List, 2022. workman.com/ejaculateresponsibly.
Blair, Gabrielle. “I’m a Mother of Six, and a Mormon.” Twitter, September 13, 2018.
Design Mom. “About Gabrielle Blair.” Design Mom.
Design Mom. “Twitter Thread on Abortion: Parenting.” Design Mom, May 3, 2022. https://designmom.com/twitter-thread-abortion/.
Egan, Elisabeth. “Gabrielle Blair Embraces ‘the Least Sexy Way to Talk about Sex.’” The New York Times, November 8, 2022. https://www.nytimes.com/2022/11/08/books/review/ejaculate-responsibly-gabrielle-blair.html.
Harrington, Kimberly. “Ejaculate Responsibly by Gabrielle Stanley Blair Book Review .” The Washington Post, October 19, 2022. https://www.washingtonpost.com/books/2022/10/19/ejaculate-responsibly-book/.
McCammon, Sarah. “Book by Mom of Six Puts Onus on Men to Stop Unwanted Pregnancies.” NPR, October 20, 2022. https://www.npr.org/2022/10/20/1130113865/book-by-mom-of-six-puts-onus-on-men-to-stop-unwanted-pregnancies.
Ruiz, Michelle. “In Ejaculate Responsibly, Gabrielle Blair Makes Abortion a Men’s Issue.” Vogue, October 18, 2022. https://www.vogue.com/article/ejaculate-responsibly-gabrielle-blair-interview.
The Associated Press. “Alabama Signs Law Protecting IVF Providers from Legal Liability | CBC News.” CBCnews, March 7, 2024. https://www.cbc.ca/news/world/alabama-ivf-legislation-1.7136364#:~:text=In%20a%20landmark%20decision%2C%20the,death%20when%20discarding%20unused%20embryos.
“The LDS Author of ‘Ejaculate Responsibly’ Says Abortion Focus Should Be on Men: Episode 241.” SoundCloud.
Wickman, Kase. “Gabrielle Blair Would Like a Word With Men.” The New York Times, November 4, 2022. https://www.nytimes.com/2022/11/04/well/family/gabrielle-blair-design-mom.html.